Hello Readers,
I had a good day at physical therapy on Monday. Last week, I began going every M-W-F. I go again tomorrow. Looking forward to another good experience.
While there, I kept saying "I used to do (this or that)". I finally realized what I was saying and told my therapist that my wife keeps reminding me that I need to quit focusing on what I "USED" to do and focus on what I CAN do. He agreed and said to me "you need to play with the hand that's dealt you and keep playing". I liked that statement and it is very true. The important thing is NOT to give up.
It is much easier to keep focusing on what "used to be" instead of accepting what IS. Once I learn to accept what is, I will find myself to be more content and in a position for the healing process to work.
Of course, this is easier said than done. However, these past couple of days, I've been trying to change my focus and mindset to accepting what IS and realize that for some reason, God has chosen to change my life in such a way that has shaken me to my foundation.
It has put me in a position of relying solely upon GOD rather than my own knowledge and ability. I realize now that before, I was too self sufficient.
I have a long way to go in the recovery process, however, I realize now that my sufficiency cannot rest on MY abilities, but totally upon God.
Whatever God's plan is for my future I want to be able to accept His plan wholeheartedly even if it should mean restricted abilities. Only God can help me with becoming content, but at least now I'm WILLING to allow Him to do what He deems necessary to bring me to that position.
How about YOU? Are you having difficulty accepting life as you know it today or are you content with the way you are living and the life you have? In either case, God is the answer and will provide the ability for you to make any necessary changes to help you in your time of difficulty and thus become more content.
None of us have "arrived". We are all on a journey and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that our journey is made much easier when we rely upon God for our strength and wisdom.
So, let's quit fooling ourselves and wrestling with what "might have been" or "what used to be" and start living for today.... "play the hand that has been dealt you and KEEP PLAYING." Let's not give up. Life is too short and too precious and well worth the living. The journey continues.
John
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Uncharted Territory
Hello Readers,
I'm not sure how many read these posts, but it DOES help me to be able to put my thoughts down in writing. If you have been reading these, I hope that my thoughts and experiences help YOU in some way also. Your feedback / comments are always welcomed.
My journey is one that ranges from euphoria to despair and everywhere in between. The only constant in my life is God. It is true that God never changes... He is the same yesterday, today and forever. I'm thankful that God is always there for me regardless what my experience is in life.
Since January 2007, I entered personal uncharted territory. My earthly experience has gotten worse since then reaching a climax on August 13th, 2008 and I have seen definite changes taking place in my life regarding my outlook, hopes, dreams, decisions, plans, desires and general psychological and physical well-being.
I have seen an erosion taking place in my relationships largely due to the struggles I have had to encounter and to no small degree my responses to these struggles. Even though I don't doubt that my friends and family love me and care about me, yet I feel a sense of paranoia growing within me which is screaming out for greater affirmation from others. It's hard to explain, but it's like my "head" knowledge and my "heart" knowledge are at odds with each other and there is an inner battle taking place. The fight rages on but I truly am growing weary and wonder how much fight I have left to withstand whatever lies ahead.
My wonderful wife has been a stronghold for me and I would hate to think what state I would be in right now if I didn't have her unconditional love and support. She herself has her own health issues to tend to and yet she stands by my side as we travel this journey together. I am very concerned for HER well-being as well. We BOTH continue to support one another and stand by each other as we have now for nearly 35 years throughout the good times and bad times. God no doubt has been her strength and has sustained her as we have traveled this latest difficult road.
As I stated earlier, I am becoming weary, confused, somewhat paranoid and unsure about my life's purpose. One thing I know is that God is there for me. He seems to be silent these days. Nothing seems to make sense. Yet, I know in my heart that God will make a way. I wish He would answer the question "Why?". I wonder what lessons he wants me to learn? As I sit here a phrase continues to go through my mind that "the battle is not mine but God's". Although that may be true, it doesn't minimize the struggle and misfortune that my wife and I have had to endure these past 2 1/2 years. There is no end in sight. It's like I'm going through a long dark tunnel, so dark that I cannot even see the hand in front of my face.
Well, I guess I've rambled long enough. I know God holds the answer. The problem is, His answer is slow in coming. I will continue to seek God's will in all of this. Maybe one day, I will understand.
If you have read to this last sentence, thank you for listening. My journey continues.
John
I'm not sure how many read these posts, but it DOES help me to be able to put my thoughts down in writing. If you have been reading these, I hope that my thoughts and experiences help YOU in some way also. Your feedback / comments are always welcomed.
My journey is one that ranges from euphoria to despair and everywhere in between. The only constant in my life is God. It is true that God never changes... He is the same yesterday, today and forever. I'm thankful that God is always there for me regardless what my experience is in life.
Since January 2007, I entered personal uncharted territory. My earthly experience has gotten worse since then reaching a climax on August 13th, 2008 and I have seen definite changes taking place in my life regarding my outlook, hopes, dreams, decisions, plans, desires and general psychological and physical well-being.
I have seen an erosion taking place in my relationships largely due to the struggles I have had to encounter and to no small degree my responses to these struggles. Even though I don't doubt that my friends and family love me and care about me, yet I feel a sense of paranoia growing within me which is screaming out for greater affirmation from others. It's hard to explain, but it's like my "head" knowledge and my "heart" knowledge are at odds with each other and there is an inner battle taking place. The fight rages on but I truly am growing weary and wonder how much fight I have left to withstand whatever lies ahead.
My wonderful wife has been a stronghold for me and I would hate to think what state I would be in right now if I didn't have her unconditional love and support. She herself has her own health issues to tend to and yet she stands by my side as we travel this journey together. I am very concerned for HER well-being as well. We BOTH continue to support one another and stand by each other as we have now for nearly 35 years throughout the good times and bad times. God no doubt has been her strength and has sustained her as we have traveled this latest difficult road.
As I stated earlier, I am becoming weary, confused, somewhat paranoid and unsure about my life's purpose. One thing I know is that God is there for me. He seems to be silent these days. Nothing seems to make sense. Yet, I know in my heart that God will make a way. I wish He would answer the question "Why?". I wonder what lessons he wants me to learn? As I sit here a phrase continues to go through my mind that "the battle is not mine but God's". Although that may be true, it doesn't minimize the struggle and misfortune that my wife and I have had to endure these past 2 1/2 years. There is no end in sight. It's like I'm going through a long dark tunnel, so dark that I cannot even see the hand in front of my face.
Well, I guess I've rambled long enough. I know God holds the answer. The problem is, His answer is slow in coming. I will continue to seek God's will in all of this. Maybe one day, I will understand.
If you have read to this last sentence, thank you for listening. My journey continues.
John
Thursday, September 17, 2009
A Victim's Mentality
Hello Readers,
Well, it is Thursday morning, 12:40 am as I write this. I sure have been doing much reflecting these past several weeks. I continue to struggle with my new imposed limitations and it sure isn't easy to say the least. However, as I reflect upon my present situation (with no end in sight), I realize that I must make a choice which will affect me the rest of my life. Do I continue to go down the road of self pity, dwelling upon what I cannot do, beating myself up in the process, or do I accept my given situation as God's will and embrace it with a humble spirit knowing that He is always by my side and only allows struggles to come into my life to make me a better person in the long run?
It is sooooo easy to give in to the victim's mentality as I have done and inadvertently isolate myself from those who truly do care and love me, including God himself.
I am reminded of a sermon my friend preached one time regarding friendship.... the illustration used regarded an individual who felt all alone and that her friends had abandoned her when in reality, she was soooo wrapped up in her own life and troubles, that SHE was the one who had distanced herself from her friends rather than the other way around. She discovered that she needed to place the needs of others before her own and focus on BEING a friend and take the focus off herself. When she did that, she became a different person and people were happy to be her friend and associate with her. She also learned to be content with her life. It's like the old saying, "to have friends, you need to BE a friend".
I am in the midst of the darkest and loneliest time in my life and I realize after careful reflection that my focus has been too much on ME and not enough on GOD and OTHERS.
Time is precious, Life is precious, Friends are precious, Family is precious. How unfortunate it is when one forfeits Time, Life, Friends and Family while they focus selfishly on self.
Relationships, Life and Time are too important to waste. We have a choice to either spend time worrying about ourselves or we can invest our time building our relationships with God, Family and Friends. Life is very short and our focus needs to be on things eternal rather than on the temporal aspects of our earthly pilgrimage.
As I continue to journey through life with all of it's pain, suffering and misfortunes... my desire and goal is to change my focus away from self and back to God and others. Yes, problems will continue, but as the song that's been playing in my head for the past several weeks says "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me". I pray for wisdom, strength and more faith to follow God wherever He leads me, even if it means poverty and strife. I know God will never leave me nor forsake me especially in my deepest time of need.
How about you?? What is happening in YOUR life. Are you focused on your circumstances, or are you focused on the One who is the giver of life and has promised never to forsake us.
I'm not perfect and have failed God in many ways as a human being, but I have never doubted his love for me and have decided to once again to take my hands OFF and let God have his way. I would recommend that YOU reflect upon your own set of circumstances and your relationship with God just as I have done. If you find yourself lacking and/or distancing yourself from the God who loves you unconditionally.... why not turn your focus back on Him and let him guide you through life one day at a time, one moment at a time... walking side by side with him.
I'm sure you've read "Footprints in the Sand". I have seen only one set of footprints in recent months and had given into the feeling that God was punishing me or at least refusing to intervene in my behalf...... however, I realize now that it's been during this time that he has been carrying me along and continues to do so.
I thank Him for his everlasting love and watchful care over me. I know that whatever my future holds, it is in HIS hands and there is no better place than that.
Well, it is Thursday morning, 12:40 am as I write this. I sure have been doing much reflecting these past several weeks. I continue to struggle with my new imposed limitations and it sure isn't easy to say the least. However, as I reflect upon my present situation (with no end in sight), I realize that I must make a choice which will affect me the rest of my life. Do I continue to go down the road of self pity, dwelling upon what I cannot do, beating myself up in the process, or do I accept my given situation as God's will and embrace it with a humble spirit knowing that He is always by my side and only allows struggles to come into my life to make me a better person in the long run?
It is sooooo easy to give in to the victim's mentality as I have done and inadvertently isolate myself from those who truly do care and love me, including God himself.
I am reminded of a sermon my friend preached one time regarding friendship.... the illustration used regarded an individual who felt all alone and that her friends had abandoned her when in reality, she was soooo wrapped up in her own life and troubles, that SHE was the one who had distanced herself from her friends rather than the other way around. She discovered that she needed to place the needs of others before her own and focus on BEING a friend and take the focus off herself. When she did that, she became a different person and people were happy to be her friend and associate with her. She also learned to be content with her life. It's like the old saying, "to have friends, you need to BE a friend".
I am in the midst of the darkest and loneliest time in my life and I realize after careful reflection that my focus has been too much on ME and not enough on GOD and OTHERS.
Time is precious, Life is precious, Friends are precious, Family is precious. How unfortunate it is when one forfeits Time, Life, Friends and Family while they focus selfishly on self.
Relationships, Life and Time are too important to waste. We have a choice to either spend time worrying about ourselves or we can invest our time building our relationships with God, Family and Friends. Life is very short and our focus needs to be on things eternal rather than on the temporal aspects of our earthly pilgrimage.
As I continue to journey through life with all of it's pain, suffering and misfortunes... my desire and goal is to change my focus away from self and back to God and others. Yes, problems will continue, but as the song that's been playing in my head for the past several weeks says "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me". I pray for wisdom, strength and more faith to follow God wherever He leads me, even if it means poverty and strife. I know God will never leave me nor forsake me especially in my deepest time of need.
How about you?? What is happening in YOUR life. Are you focused on your circumstances, or are you focused on the One who is the giver of life and has promised never to forsake us.
I'm not perfect and have failed God in many ways as a human being, but I have never doubted his love for me and have decided to once again to take my hands OFF and let God have his way. I would recommend that YOU reflect upon your own set of circumstances and your relationship with God just as I have done. If you find yourself lacking and/or distancing yourself from the God who loves you unconditionally.... why not turn your focus back on Him and let him guide you through life one day at a time, one moment at a time... walking side by side with him.
I'm sure you've read "Footprints in the Sand". I have seen only one set of footprints in recent months and had given into the feeling that God was punishing me or at least refusing to intervene in my behalf...... however, I realize now that it's been during this time that he has been carrying me along and continues to do so.
I thank Him for his everlasting love and watchful care over me. I know that whatever my future holds, it is in HIS hands and there is no better place than that.
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